Rambles from a 15 year old Rose...
I'm one of those people who smile even when they're not okay. Hoping that by smiling I'll become happy. It's stupid, but I know I look better when I smile, instead of being "real".
At some drama camp Mrs. Landrum told us that no matter where on stage we were at least one person in the audience would be watching us. That stuck with me, except I applied it to my whole life and forgot to leave it on stage. That's not what God has called me to. Yes he calls me to praise him with my life.
But I don't have to be smiling to praise him, I can be weeping too. "I come to you with empty hands and a heart that's fragile, you come to me with a wholesping of love" All the acting winds me up until I lose it. And by lose it I mean cry..alot..That's if I'm lucky. Sometimes I just stay wound up. God knows me, he sees past my facade to a person I don't know much about. I don't need to know myself more. God already knows me. I need to know him better. Then as I get to know him I'll "find myself". Because I will find my identity in him, my creator.
Is that what losing myself is? Finding my identity in God? I've always heard about losing my life for God's glory. And that it would be just as good for me. But what made perfect sense to others was lost on me. God's timing is perfect. He's preparing me. I'm connected to God whether or not I like it. He created me. I am made in his image. He's not a part of me, it's the other way around. When I make things they represent me and my thoughts, visions, and skills. And like a dream of a dream or a story in a story my talents are from God. So what I make is from God. "In this hour of doubt I see, who I am is not just me.."
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