Rambles from last year, it's nice to look at the end and see that their has in fact been growth. Not as much as I might wish, but some.
When I think of myself as less than capable or just, I don't know as someone who will get through the next day and that's all that can really be expected of her than I fall into apathy.
I have to maintain my education, I have to maintain my relationships, I have to maintain my rest. I have so many things that need active maintaince.
I cannot afford to be passive. I am not the savior, but I am called to follow him. His calling will never lead to passivity. Never.
I did not vote, because I did not feel educated enough. I felt incapable. I didn't even know who we were voting for (I still don't) but I have resources available to me, too many at times. Immobilization is not what God wants from me.
The second I think I cannot do something I walk another step backwards. I often find myself relating to Moses when he says, "who am I to do this?" Which may have been the right response except then God says, "I am your God and I will be with you", and that's when Moses is supposed to say, yes God, it is your work, not mine. But he says no again. I am so scared of living my life like that. I feel as if I constantly make that choice. With driving, with reaching out to people, with voting, with positions of leadership, with praying, with learning, with therapy, with anything that scares me.
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