I've been thinking a lot lately about how to have good conversations with people I don't know well. As an extreme introvert who also loves people it can be hard to have conversations. I want to care about the person and the conversation, but also caring takes energy. Especially in a crowded public space. I can turn communication into a performance. In aforementioned public space I am very aware of the people who may be overhearing my conversation making it is hard for me to actually listen to the person who is talking instead of wondering what the person overhearing our conversation thinks of what we're (or I'm) saying. That's embarrassing, but true. A lot of that comes from insecurity. Also because I am introverted I have to work up the energy to have a conversation with someone which sometimes turns into totally overshooting it and becoming the little battery energy bunny. The end of "Toy Story 2" where Barbie has a fake smile plastered to her face as she waves to the audience saying through gritted teeth, "Bye, Bye Bye Now! Is it over? Are they gone? Can I stop smiling?" ? I relate to that hard.
I started a list over the past summer half in jest half not that I have since added to. Cheesy motivational speaking here I come.
Things to Keep in Mind When Getting to Know New People
1. You can learn something from everyone. You're not faking that they are interesting, they actually are interesting. Though it may be buried deep, really deep. Small talk is not your favorite thing but just do it. Don't be afraid to ask questions. They matter, no matter who they might be. And remember what you learn from them, go over the conversations that stood out in the times when your mind is complaining of nothing to think about.
2. Don't feel like you need to plan an escape route. Like you can't ask their name and where they're from because then you are stuck in this conversation that may end with an awkward trail off, the horror! The point is to care for and learn from the person not to be the most charismatic butterfly in the room.
3. You have a place at the table. You do not need to feel as if the questions you're asking are unimportant or annoying. It's not supposed to be about you anyway, sheesh. Most of the time people don't care what your house looks like, they just want to be welcomed in. Unless it has a funky smell, in which case you should probably throw out those moldy apple cores.
4. If they ask questions, you can think of an answer, you do actually have a life, find the energy. Though also, over sharing is definitely a thing.
5. And last but not least, not every conversation will live up to these standards. You will be exhausted at times and they may wonder if you always wear that awkward grimace on your face, or a person may just be in a crappy mood with no interest in having a conversation. After you drown your guilt and sorrows in teabags, get over it. For better or worse there'll be more conversations, promise.
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